-Includes a rant against the book
publishing business 1 drink
-if
they make any good points 2
drinks
-Each comparison to a bestselling
author 1
drink
-If
it's a sci-fi / fantasy query and they compare it
to both Harry Potter and Tolkien 2 drinks
-If
The DaVinci
Code or Dan Brown is
mentioned for any reason 2drinks
-The letter itself is less than 5
lines long 1 drink
-The "novel" is shorter than 45K 1
drink
-The "novel" is longer
than 200K 1
drink
-The query is addressed to
everyone at the agency
simultaneously 1 drink
-Our names are misspelled 1
drink
-Addressed to another agent,
or an agent who no longer works here 1
drink
-Addressed to "Dear
Agent" 1 drink
-to
"Dear Editor" 2 drinks
"Dear Sir or Madam"
"To Whom it May
Concern"
-Features over four themes, in
list form,
i.e: hope, love, family, betrayal, wheelchairs 1
drink
-The novel is mix of more than
four genres 1
drink
-The protagonist battles inner
demons 1 drink
-and
a crisis of faith 2
drinks
-The author uses population
statistics to prove 2
drinks
it's hypothetical audience (e.g. 3 million
lawyers will all read my book)
-The author is a lawyer 1 drink
an advertising executive 1 drink
a war veteran
1
drink if you love freedom
an actual, full-income earning writer 3 drinks
-The story includes an alternate
universe with
an unpronounceable name 1
drink
-if
it has no vowels 2
drinks
-"This would make a great
movie." 1
drink
-if
the author already has casting ideas 2 drinks
-The story is "based" on
the authors own "experiences" 1
drink
-The query is actually kinda good 4
drinks/the entire bottle
-The opening sentence is a question or a hypothetical 1
drink
-The characters "took over" when the author was
writing, or if the words just "flowed onto the page"
or
if once the author started writing, they "just couldn't
stop"..
1
drink
-The author is in prison
2
drinks, toast to author.
-The letter includes a trite statement referencing why
people will enjoy the book: e.g. "people love to
read about other peoples lives" 1
drink
-The query includes information about the document 1
drink
formatting: e.g. single spaced, no illustrations,
spell-checked
-if the document
is double-spaced 2
drinks
Includes visual aids:
-hand-drawn sketch
1
drink
-computer graphics 1
drink
-on self-published book cover 2 drinks
-author
photograph/news clipping inc. photo 1
drink
- you would sleep with photographed author
if you saw them in a bar
4
drinksand do it.
-If ALIAS has made out with the author's
boyfriend 3 drinks
bodyshots off ALIAS
(name changed to protect
the not-so-innocent)
-The author is the winner of the
Writer's Digest Self-Published Book Awards 1
glass of White Zin
The author is endorsed by:
-their parents or
spouse 1
drink
-an obscure writer 1
drink
-a famous writer 2
drinks, 3 if they're lying
The author's former agent is dead 1
drink
The book promises to warm your
heart and/or soul 1
drink
Anything with more than one
epigram 1 drink
Any mention of alternate universes
or past lives 1 drink
-both 2
drinks
If the protagonist's name involves
an apostrophe 1 drink per apostrophe
The package involves more than one
presentational object; 1 drink per object
e.g. a folder inside a binder
The author mentions an encounter
with the agent 1
drink
-if
it was in an elevator 2 drinks
-if
it alludes to the possibility that the agent
was accosted at an inappropriate moment 2 drinks by agent in
question
The author is below the age of 21 1
chaser only
Query makes you laugh out loud 1
drink
-on
purpose 3
drinks
Draws excessive attention to lack
of writing credits 1
drink
Patriotic stationary 1
drink if you love freedom
You'd run the other way if you ran
into this author
in a dark alley
2
drinks
